Living With Gladys Full Time

The Curve Ball struck us a low blow on Thursday when we were told Alistair has metastatic Prostate cancer in some of his bones. To be honest, the possibility that this was the case had been on both of our minds for quite a while although we remained hopeful that the pain was due to other reasons other than cancer.

Let me first state that right from the beginning in 2011 when Alistair was first diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer, his choice was to be involved as little as possible with the established medical model and the non curative treatments it had to offer him. On our long walks through Epping Forest in the early days of his diagnosis he would say to me ” Rebeks, Ive learnt so much, I’ve changed so much and the changes we have made in our life make so much sense to me, if this thing takes me out, I still wouldn’t have done it differently, Im glad Im walking this path, its the right one for me”. And that is still his position today. You cannot bend someone and force them rigidly in to a treatment plan that not only disregards their inner most beliefs but also along the way assaults and breaks their spirit.

Its difficult to help people understand what it is like stepping into a world that completely contradicts the philosophy of health by which we try to live our lives each and every day. Every time Alistair gets sucked into more tests, more treatment plans, more cynical responses to our choices he loses his beliefs and strength to continue on his own path a little more. His sister Gillian calls it, ‘the cycle of intervention’,  it takes over and his individuality and uniqueness goes out of the window.

Alistair honours many of the principles of Naturopathic Medicine such as treating the whole person, first doing no harm, believing in the healing power of nature, promoting wellness even in the presence of disease, practising as much preventative medicine as possible, finding and treating the cause of the illness and taking responsibility for his own health and wellness from those qualified to impart their knowledge.

These principles that we both honour and Alistair deserves are not to be found in the waiting rooms of the old allopathic hospitals that we have frequented over the past  year. They are sorely lacking in the consultations we have sat through, and, although we got lucky with a fairly respectful consultant radiologist  on Thursday, we came up against the epitome of all that assaults and batters our souls in the embodiment of her colleague, a consultant senior oncologist who spoke at us for 2 minutes, totally disrespected our values, had zero interest in Alistair as a whole person and really just saw him as a specimen for his study on people who are medically fucked and could be used as research fodder for his trial.

The trial, which totally obliterates another much needed system in Alistair’s body, would cease to be effective after about 18 months and then… oh well… keep taking these other pills for the rest of your life (whats left of it) as your body won’t be able to function without them as you have zero immune system left. The immune system for gods sake, probably one of the most important systems to keep functioning well when fighting cancer!!! But you see this is the problem here, in the eyes of the medical system in this country Alistair is walking the green mile.

Thats not true though for other cancer treatment centres in other countries. They see the whole person, wholly believe that cancer, no matter how severe the grading, is treatable and curable and they uphold all of the principles in health that Alistair honours. They also provide allopathic treatments but not in a stand alone capacity but alongside naturopathic interventions that will support Alistair’s immune system and limit the damaging effect of the more conventional treatments. All of these places offer hope, faith and understanding and not one of them is available to us here in the UK or on the NHS. What a sad state of affairs for all cancer sufferers who deserve more than the one size fits all approach that has consumed and dominates the field of oncology in the UK today.

So please, I ask you to think before you glibly say to someone with cancer “get the treatment here, extend your life, do what the doctors tell you’. It takes a very strong, brave and courageous person to go their own route and withstand the cynical judgemental looks from the medical profession and people who haven’t taken the time to understand. I am honoured to have one such man as my husband, and I will stand by him and every single decision he makes about his own journey into health and wellness until my very last breath x

Never ever judge anyones choices until you have walked for 40 days in their moccasins.

So, where to start?

You will notice if you read through my old posts that one of my favourite phrases is “life’s rich tapestry”. I use it a lot because I like it!

And, yet again our tapestry is being woven by life in a complicated and tricky pattern, its taking some balls to wade through it!.

After nearly 2 years in Gladys, sadly, the time has come for us to move into a more conventional place once again. There are a few reasons but the main one is for Alistair. He has taken a bit of a nose dive in terms of his health over the past few months and to be honest the comfort and space of conventional living is right now the most important thing for him. Its seems to have been forever that this bloody prostate cancer has been going on. Don’t get me wrong, there has been lots of time over the past 2  1/2 years when he has felt really well and looked amazing, but when these ‘not so well’ spells come along its really tough going. At the moment he is in a lot of pain and seems to be peeing blood on a daily basis. According to the last registrar we saw at The Royal this is normal, but I can tell you its disconcerting when its ongoing.

He succumbed to the request of his registrar and went ahead with some scans a couple of weeks ago and we are hoping to get the results this Thursday. For anybody that has been in this situation you will know exactly what this time feels like. We half want to know and half don’t want to know. Its been difficult for Alistair to keep his spirit up, especially over the last few weeks. It seems to coincide with hospital visits, he gets lost in the negativity of the medical model, seems to lose his power and fight. Thats no good, without his fight he will sink, not happening, no way, so I must rally myself , dig deep and keep positive for both of us. Not so easy but definitely achievable, especially having a few people that I can off load on to, that gives me a chance to unburden my fears and then regroup and get on again.

Tonight though he is a bit more positive and seems like he is getting his mojo back again. I think if we can get some pain management in place he will be able to see a way forward again.

So, back to our move. Synchronicity has been at its very best over the last 2 weeks to secure our new little abode. Saw it a good few weeks ago, loved it from the outside, no the landlady wouldn’t allow pets so we deleted it from our list. It remained on the market unlet so we asked again, would she consider a dog… yes she would think about… 2 days later….she’s thought abut it and No, she wouldn’t feel comfortable allowing a dog. So with heavy hearts but trusting the universe would help us find the right place we let go of it. 30 minutes later….there had been a change of heart could we go and meet her with Archie. So we drove off to Saffron Walden on the 5th April, met the most lovely land lady and were just delighted to view the most quirky and peaceful feeling garden flat, with,a long garden for Archie and a small overgrown vegetable plot for me to grow my own organic veg…synchronicity at its very best and quite a few prayers from my sister and niece no doubt.

Gladys has been an amazing home for us for almost 2 years, she has served us well and taught us so much, and those learnings will stand us in good stead as our new chapter  unfolds.

So on Good Friday aided by our little band of family helpers we will begin the next chapter of our lives…and hope and pray and ask all things in love and light from the universe that life is what Alistair has much much more of

Love and Faith
Light the lamp of love within you and move forward. When we take each step with good thoughts and a smiling face, all the goodness will come to us and fill our being. Then God cannot possibly stay away from us. He will embrace us. –Mata Amritanandamayi Devi

So hear we are in the middle of the rainiest and windiest winter that I can remember and every night recently it seems the hammering of rain on Gladys’s roof awakes me. It makes me anxious as I forgot to survey the rubber roof for leaks before the winter and I’m not physically able right now to get up there and take a look let alone fix any possible holes in the rubber. I know that the heavy winds have partially lifted the TV Ariel fixings and there is a very slight drip occasionally from the operating handle fixed to the ceiling inside – a well, it will have to wait for a wee while.

So as you know, we lost poor old Laddie, the noblest and most gentle dog I have known, a collie, and a true friend. As I think about him I can’t help but well up with tears at the loss of such a lovely chap. And as you will know from the previous post from Rebekah, we have a new doggie called Archibald Sebastian Rhind, a white Shepherd, Archie for short.

It brings me in mind of when, many years ago now, when I was just a young fella and my then wife Sue was expecting our second child (my Son Alexander); we already had Hannah, my first beautiful daughter. I loved Hannah so much and I often worried, if I loved this child with all my heart, how could I possibly love another child. Well, as all you parents will know, you love each child as much as the other only in a different way. When my third child Holly came, it was the same again; I loved her with all my heart to but in yet another way.

So, maybe it isn’t about me as a parent at all, maybe it is about what each child, a wonderful gift from God, brought to me: Hannah arrived and brought my Heart, Alexander arrived and brought my Spirit and Holy arrived and brought my Joy, each child filling a hole inside of me with their unconditional love. Without them I am not at all sure where I would be nor what I would be like now.

Which brings me to young Archie, a beautiful white Angel Wolf as my daughter Hannah calls him. Archie has certainly brought us gifts from the Universe, each of us, Rebekah and I, in our own way feeling somehow more than, with the arrival of Archie. I can’t speak for Rebekah, although she often says that she “hearts” him and I know that almost immediately she adored the wee dog, but for me he seems to have brought a new lease of life at a time when I felt myself floundering somewhat. I have noticed that I feel a great deal of love for him and I am grateful that he is here with me.

Rebekah is very busy these days what with earning our living, saving secretly for surprise holidays, working on her Naturopathic Nutrition Diploma, taking care of me and running her mum up and down to see her dad in a different old folks home and all the other things a person does. Which leaves me and Archie and our daily routine of playtime and walks and being together like best pals. It occurred to me the other day whilst Archie and me were hiking through the forest, he trotting firmly behind my heel and occasionally playfully nipping my hand as we walked, that he had come to help me with my healing from Cancer. I have felt kind of alone with it recently and have had moments when the enormity of it all looms large above my head and threatens to bring me down. But I’m thinking that young Archie knows what’s going on and his presence and companionship is spurring me on to fill my lungs with oxygen and my spirit with hope and renewed strength and determination.

Archie is an Angel right enough, but he has his naughtiness as well. He loves to steal stuff, usually pants and socks given just half a chance and he has a knack of pinching tissues from the box when nobody is looking; he stole my lunch while Rebekah was making it today at lunchtime. Even at just around 5 months he is so tall he reached his neck up and snatched my roll and cheese that was innocently awaiting some egg and tomato, and ran off with it. Well, we kind of think that its an endearing trait although I know that some of you will think that we are making a rod for our own backs. But despite Archie’s little naughtinesses, I am grateful for his presence in my life and hope to have many more long walks through the woods with Archie the Angel Wolf Dog.

In just a few days we are flying off to India for two weeks in Kerala. We are 5 days in Lighthouse beach Kovalom, two days in Amritapuri, the ashram of Amma — Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi, then on for the last week in an Ayervedic centre further down the coast.

When we return, no doubt Rebekah will be back blogging again once she has finished her current exam and before she starts studying for the next assignments and exam in March. I will be back as and when I feel the inspiration to write again. Until then,

Chi mi a dh’aithghearr sibh

Well the weavers of life’s tapestry have certainly chosen an intricate pattern to weave for me over the past few weeks.

After losing Laddie and being adamant that I wasn’t ready for a new dog and no no no a puppy in Gladys would be far too awkward, and if we were to get a puppy lets at least wait until the spring when the weathers better or maybe after Christmas. The lovely news is, we have a new puppy!

In our grief for Laddie we spent an entire day ‘not looking for a puppy’ on the internet and found this adorable little chap. Unbeknown to us he had already been given a home and had been dispatched and returned all in one day due to his new owners landlord not allowing pets so it seems that Archie had our name on him albeit he was all the way up in Yorkshire!  A lovely bit of synchronicity I think. So as you do, we drove to Yorkshire and back on my birthday and fetched (my favourite non word) Archie Sebastian Rhind home to join in ‘Living with Gladys Fulltime’.

So what breed did we go for considering our living environment?

A Cockapoo, lovely but too small, A Labradoodle, too curly for Alistair’s liking, A Collie, beautiful but no Collie could ever live up to Laddie, so we did the sensible thing and got an American White Shepherd! Think wolf, think polar bear cub, think German Shepherd but pure white and fluffy, actually think really quite big! To give you an idea he was 9 kg when we got him 4 weeks ago at 10 weeks old and he’s now 14kgs. He is though a real tonic and has brought a lovely energy to Gladys, he has also given Alistair motivation to get out in to the woods everyday to walk and soak up the energy from the forest so he is a valid contributor to Alistair’s healing journey.

Then the tapestry got a bit difficult, my Dad was taken to A&E after sustaining a few falls in his home and losing the mobility in his legs. They kept him in to run some tests. Mum has fairly advanced cognitive impairment and was deemed unfit to stay home alone, so sadly was  sent to stay in a care home whilst Dad was in hospital. Really difficult, especially when she says she’d far rather be in her own home, I can’t argue with her there either, there is nothing like being in your own bed. Its also tough because I promised my mum a long time ago I would never let her go into a home. The sad thing for me is it was done without my knowledge, ‘a fait accompli’ if you will, still she is being very well cared for and gets to see dad most days. Still, my poor mum

Then the worst bit, they discovered Dad has advanced prostate cancer which has metastasised into his bones and has become widespread. He is unable to walk and it seems that will not change, my poor Dad. The prognosis as you can imagine is not good.

Just to cap it all off, that same week Kirt was knocked off his bicycle by a car, luckily no terrible injuries were sustained and after a good long wait at A & E he was given the all clear and sent home bruised and battered with some hefty pain killers.

So thats where we are at, life is pretty chaotic at the moment, it seems I am juggling a million things, I had thought of postponing my studies for a year, but quitting is not my business and also I really enjoy it in spite of the heavy workload.

On the plus side, Alistair is in good shape, everything is working as it should and for me coming home to him and Archie in Gladys after a long day at work, college and hospital visits makes it all more manageable. Gladys is an oasis of calm in somewhat stormy waters I am grateful everyday for all that I have.

We didn’t know that our walk through the woods with Laddie on sunday would be Laddies swan song. We didn’t know that when Kirt brought his little kitten Duke Catti to visit us in Gladys on Sunday afternoon it would be the last friend Laddie made.

Laddie was a great animal minder, and true to form, when Duke Catti arrived Laddie made it his job that evening to stay as near to Duke as he could, gently nudging him with his nose in an attempt to get Duke to play and eager to not let him out of his sight.

It had been the same with all the other pets and animals that we had kept over the years. When we lived in the cottage and kept hens, the first night home with them Laddie stayed in the coup, minding them! He took his job very seriously, not wanting anything to happen on his watch and he continued to either mind them or try to round them up for most of the time that we had them. When he realised that Kirt had a Bearded Dragon in the glass aquarium, he stayed there rooted to the spot, watching the Dragon all day long! And the same with the cats Brian and Nitten.

I remember writing in a previous post back in June that Laddie had been poorly and diagnosed with a tumour near to his spleen and a significant heart murmur. We decided there and then that Laddie would let us know when he had had enough and promised ourselves that as soon as that time came we would honour that promise and do the right thing for Laddie.  And, Im so very sad to say that that time came in the early hours of Monday morning. Laddie had been cough cough coughing on and off for a couple of weeks but on Sunday evening the coughing got worse and after Duke Catti left he just couldn’t seem to settle. He kept pacing up and down and looking for either Alistair or me, going back and forth to the bedroom but not going in and turning round and looking for us ( remember, we live in a bus, its a very short distance from front room to bedroom)! I wondered at first if he was looking for Duke Catti but I think that was my last attempt at wishful thinking, my last thread of hope that the inevitable was not now reality.

He did manage to settle for an hour or so next to our bed but then would just came round either side of the bed looking for us, panting, pacing and stretching his neck out I think in an attempt to breath better. It took us an hour or so to find an emergency vet hospital and to also in the quiet of both of our minds , without speaking it out loud, acknowledge the truth that if we took him along we would not be bringing him back home.

Alistair and I bought Laddie 12 years ago just before we moved in together and although all the children grew to love him, Laddie was our dog, he was a significant part of our new life together. He was there almost from the very start and so Alistair and I had to be there for him, together, at the very end to make the ending of his old life as comfortable as possible and to give him the best start in to the beginning of his new life. I asked his Animal Guides to be with him and for him to be welcomed into the Lower World of Spirits in Animal form to begin his new journey. We spent some precious quiet time with him and at 3.30am on Monday 21st October he journeyed from this world  to the next ready to begin the continuing chapter.

So now we have to do that thing called adapting! We both keep expecting to hear his nails tapping along the floor, or his big nose coming out from underneath the awning door to greet us, or the rugs to be all crumpled up where he scooted along them rubbing his face on them in delight of having eaten his tea or for me to be woken at 6.30 in the morning for him to go out ( so here I am this morning, blogging instead of being out with Laddie).

Its been a tough year and a half since moving in to Gladys in terms of pets! And in the pain of the moment and using our logical heads we thought no more dogs- but then, as we say to our clients if we made decisions based on logic we would all drive Skoda’s! (No offence to anyone who drives a Skoda by the way, they are great cars). To be honest, a home just isn’t a home for us without a dog. So once we have given ourselves time to heal from our loss of Laddie we will begin again and no doubt we will know in the quiet of our own minds, without speaking, when we are both ready.

Short and sweet today; HE CAN PEE!!!!!

Its been a bit of a long road but finally I am pleased to say that we have just returned from The Royal London CATHETER FREE for the first time in several months, what a relief.

Alistair is still recuperating from his operation but he is healing nicely. He is taking it very steadily and is thankfully now back on his Alternative regime (Budwig, Herbs, Supplements and Juicing) which I know makes him feel more empowered and in charge of his health and well being.

Thank you to everyone for their good wishes and support for us, we really both appreciate it. Especially as ever thank you to Candace, Hannah and Kirt for their support of me while Alistair was in hospital and a special thank you to Gillian and Paul for their support and kindness over the past few weeks x

More soon, just wanted you all to know the good news!

I can certainly say its been an eventful couple of weeks since ‘ Man Down but Not Out’ and, on that note I wanted to say a heartfelt thank you to those who promptly offered me their help after reading my last blog, so kind, thank you so very much.

But in true Rebekah fashion I continued my one woman mission to make Gladys fit for a King to come home to. Alistair came down with Flu, (not man flu, proper in bed for a week, weak and feeble flu)! so I painted whilst he sweated and slept deliriously. My knee insisted that I slowed down and took things at a more genteel pace ( unheard of in my normal ‘in it to win it’ attitude) which helped and we are so pleased with the end result.  We went for Tibetan yellow and we love it. There is a tiny bit of additional Tibetan Red to be added here and there and some new velvet curtains to be procured, oh and the kitchen sink and worktop is being replaced next week. But, apart from that she’s almost done. Pictures will be added soon.

As promised Kirt came last weekend and helped us put up the Safari room and wow, what a difference thats made, loads of covered outdoor space, warmer inside Gladys and, to Alistair’s delight, no mud fest right outside the door ( how he hates mud, with a passion)!

We had a trip to London Hospital for Alistair’s pre op assessment. Great things to report there, firstly the service was excellent which was a relief, good old fashioned nursing care and excellent standards of infection control and patient safety, all good news when sadly many NHS hospitals are failing to meet these basic standards in care. Alistair’s health checks were also excellent, his blood pressure is amazing, ECG perfect, in fact, as he said apart from having cancer he is in perfect health. I think the juicing, the food choices, the supplements and l the other cleansing things he is doing must be really helping.

Alistair’s sister Gillian and Brother in Law Paul paid us a surprise visit and very thoughtfully and so kindly carried on the ‘Getting Gladys and Us Warm for Winter’ theme. They came armed with wooly socks for us, huge 13.5 tog Kingsize Duvet, Kingsize luxuriously warm throw and bed linen for our new mattress. I can tell you, that bed is draped in soft fluffy layers of toasty warm opulent bedding that takes the discipline of a monk to get out of in the morning! Thank you both so very much, that was a real treat and very much appreciated.

Sadly we had to hurry them out a little earlier than we would have liked as we had a call form the pre op assessment unit, we had to go back immediately for a couple of repeat tests, panic… was it the MRSA, surely not, was it his pee, could be. Thankfully no, it was neither, it was in fact human error, the MRSA label had been put on the urine sample and the urine label on the MRSA swabs and no, quite rightly, the lab would not test under these circumstances. We  had literally 48 to spare for the new samples to be taken and tested before his admission on Thursday afternoon (which was handy as it takes 48 hours for a negative result to come back)!

My turn next, time for my knee to be injected with some synthetic Hyaluronic acid (the natural substance that makes up the synovial fluid that lubricates the joints and the ground matrix around the joint). This meant that I was going to be out of ‘Yorkie Job Action’ for a few days post injection therefore between us we had to make sure all the outside jobs were up to date before the jab. We have a brilliant new trolley ( Alistair treated me to it to make the lugging easier on my knee, what a lucky girl) which does actually make a big difference and takes the load of quite a lot as long as I wear the knee brace as well.

Sadly, it seems that my knee may have degenerated a little more ( hence the increase in knife like pain being jabbed into the centre of my joint) but again due to my young age (why thank you) I really just need to try and manage it for as long as I can and make some lifestyle adjustments until I can have a partial knee replacement which should buy me 10 more years and then a full replacement which buys me another 10 years and after that I suppose  I will be in my seventies and I can have a scooter!  “So”, said the consultant, ” You need to be driving an automatic car Rebekah, its time” Oh, I’ll just put that on my next shopping list then shall I! Luckily, Alistair’s ‘Driving Miss Daisy Car’ is automatic so a little swap over is all thats needed for the time being.

So, I must remember that little tortoise that greeted us in Turkey, I must learn to slow myself down. It doesn’t come naturally to me to be slow, but its obviously a life lesson I need to learn and my knee brace and new walking stick can help me to learn it.

Enough about me, back to Alistair, admission time came yesterday afternoon and didn’t quite go according to plan in that the ward were not expecting him and didn’t have him on their admission list! The Senior Registrar who had requested it couldn’t remember why he had requested it but, the good news was that they did have a spare bed for him! Not a good start for Alistair, he’s like a torch paper in these situations, so I tend to leap in quickly and prevent the flame from going up. He did settle though, his blood pressure was still good ( stress and anxiety considered 122/71 is bloody brilliant). I packed him off with an organic tea, some midnight snacks and plenty of bottled water and organic coconut water. He plugged himself into the pay per view TV/Radio/Media station by his bed and got his head into the ‘Hospital Zone’.

He called at 1045pm last night to say the Doctor had just been to see him and he is all set for some time today. Oh and the only light that could be shone on the need for admission the night before the op was so that he actually had his bum in a hospital bed so it would be harder for him to be bumped off the operating list on the day!

So, he is nearly there, we have such a lot riding on this, for him to be able to pee normally again, its been nearly a year of catheterisation in one way or another, it will mean such a lot to him, to both of us.

Fingers crossed my friends and please whatever you each believe in, send a bit of it to Alistair, he will gratefully receive anything sent with love and healing wishes.

It seemed time for Gladys to have a bit of a makeover. She’s been a real trouper for us and shown us just how brilliantly she can accommodate us throughout each of the four seasons (Its incredible to think we are heading into our second autumn in her) so,  we thought we would  show our appreciation and give her a bit of a freshen up.

We bravely went for a bit of a radical interior redesign and decided that as all of the children have there own places to stay we really didn’t need to keep the old dinette/ double bed conversion. So that got ripped out last weekend and wow, we have positively loads of space for a neat ( well funky) little sitting area. The old green sofa bed really had had its day and whenever it got pulled out we all got wheezy, and what a mouldy old mess we found behind it when it got taken apart, no wonder it caused a wheezy reaction in us! Interestingly I’ve been asthma free for over 2 years now apart from when that sofa bed got used oh, and any use of regular brand household cleaners (nasty chemicals you see, we use Ecover or The Earth friendly Product Co). If you’re interested, I healed it by clearing my 4th Chakra and finding and using my voice, if you’re not then skip that bit!

As usual, Kirt came up trumps and helped out with all the lifting and humfing, (Alistair pee’s blood if he lifts anything heavy so obviously we need to avoid that at all costs). And Kirt is like a whirlwind, its no sooner said than done, which is great for me as Im not one for hanging around, I want things done as soon as the idea has been mooted and I’ve got my head around it!

The next bit was the painting (organic or VOC free paint of course) and blimey, what a job. The trouble is that Alistair had helped with the bathroom on the first day of painting and decorating and that left him pretty wiped out for the next day or two! (sad but true) so of course I stepped up and continued with the bedroom makeover. A two day job from start to finish, it does look much better though but shows how desperately the rest of Gladys is crying out for a lick of paint (we’re thinking Tibetan yellow and red in the living room and kitchen area). I also made sure to follow our ‘no accumulation of junk’ rule and took any clothes or household items that hadn’t been worn or used since moving into Gladys a year ago to the charity shop (well, they are actually in the holding place, aka my car, ready to be dropped into said shop).

I know when we first moved into Gladys I had written in a post that we have very set ‘boys’ and ‘girls’ jobs in Gladys, Alistair’s outside and mine inside! Well, since the pee problem and all that, I have been on outdoor duty too ( for those not in the know this means the Yorkie jobs, those that are not for girls like; emptying the plop tank, the washing up and shower water tank and refilling the water tank). Doesn’t sound like too much I know but, it has taken its toll on my poor old knee ( I have an old lady’s knee that actually needs a replacement but I don’t qualify until Im at least 50- so another 2 years to go yet)!

Im sad about this because I had managed to reduce the swelling and the need for a walking stick last year, but then I realise that I was doing very little to stress my knee at that point. Our anti-inflammatory diet helps and I will begin some supplements of my own but Im sad to report that for the time being I am back in the knee brace and if the pain continues I will be looking for a funky walking stick once again 😦

So, this has somewhat held up poor Gladys’ makeover schedule although I am still hopeful that I can have it completed by the time Alistair goes in for his Operation so that she’s all lovely and bright for when he comes home.

Our final job that needs to be done is to prepare Gladys for the autumn and winter. We were green last year whereas this year we can prepare ourselves! I think, with Kirts help, (thanks Kirt) we will put up our safari room ( sounds grand doesn’t it, but an awning basically) which should help to keep us a little less muddy directly outside and perhaps keep the chill out a little bit. We need some long velvet curtains for the door and curtains at the windows to help reduce the draughts ( if anyone is holding onto velvet curtains let me know)! And I think we probably need one or two more dehumidifiers to help with the condensation.

Then we will be ready for our second years adventure living in our lovely Gladys full time.

I seem to have been dragging myself through the last couple of weeks of August  which is most unlike me. I think perhaps I may have a bit of  a flat battery!

But then, I suppose thats not surprising. Life has, as you all well know by now, changed shape considerably for both of us over the last nearly 2 years , but I realise that I have only ever really thought of Alistair in all of this as he is the one with the curve ball.

Somebody recently said to Alistair (quite stupidly if you ask me) that its worse for the family members than for the person with cancer. I don’t agree in the slightest, how can that be so, Alistair is the one facing his own mortality (much much later rather than sooner please). However, it has impacted my life enormously and continues to do so on a daily basis. Not in terms of dread for the future or anything like that, but in practical terms. Whatever extra needs to be done, I find a way to fit it in and do it and I do this for 2 or 3 reasons. Firstly I am by nature a very giving and pro-active person. Secondly, Alistair is my love and if I can make the tiniest bit of difference to his day I want to and thirdly he is the one who has cancer not me.

I think probably this third reason has lead me to having a flat battery. I want Alistair to heal not tire so am more likely to over stretch myself than have him tax himself in anyway. I bet this is common too for partners in my position, (if you have experience of this then please feel free to leave a comment I would love to hear).

So, I probably need to make sure I slow down a wee bit and schedule in sufficient time off for me too!

Im also quite unhappy about the hormone treatment that Alistair is on. I feel so upset that our dear old friends in the medical profession look only to treat a symptom without a thought for how that treatment knocks out the whole equilibrium of the entire system (I suppose thats a roundabout way of saying that it doesn’t look at the system holistically)!! Im worried about the impact of this testosterone inhibitor on his thyroid functioning and the delicate balance of other essential hormones. To be honest it frightens us both, and I think that they (the injections) absolutely are having a negative impact on his energy levels and his strength. Only this morning I heard him say one of the saddest things, that he finds riding his Harley a bit too much now, it really takes it out of him. My big strong man, left aching and tired by a couple of hours of riding on his prized motorbike.  And dear readers, this is not because of the cancer, this is because of its treatment. But, its OK because its bringing his PSA down!

So, everything comes at a price in the medical model and I suppose only the person concerned can decide what the price is that they are willing to pay. I don’t know, is a lower PSA worth the cost? Is the PSA measure the be all and end all? These are the types of questions that we are asking each other. Im wondering if we have both got a bit lost in putting too much store in the PSA, whereas i the beginning we didn’t define Alistairs’ progress or wellness in terms of blood results.

I  researched and found a guy in Surrey who seems to be somewhat of an expert on this. He rattled the GMC so much by his findings that he handed in his registration and practices completely alternatively now, so for my money he’s probably got some excellent information that may well be beneficial for us. Not in terms of new alternative approaches but in terms of being brutally honest about the likely consequences on Alistair’s endocrine system as a whole in response to having severely reduced testosterone. I will of course keep you posted when he reply’s.

So, where are we at.

Well as you now we are facing the operation in September, and our biggest concern about that is that any surgical intervention when you have active cancer can lead to a metastasis of the cancer. This we don’t want, no way! Not too sure what we can do about that but believe me when I say we will seek out every possible idea and leave no stone unturned in our quest to prevent it.

The green juicing is going from strength to strength, Alistair is drinking his way through 1.5 litres a day, every day, of fresh organic mostly green vegetable juice. He is back on the Budwig protocol and has also re-instated the use of coffee as an enema on a daily basis to help flush the toxins from his body and help his liver. It truly is almost a full-time job keeping all this up!

I am grateful to everyone who continues to support us in our journey and I am thankful for everything that we have learned along the way. And, now, I am off for a long walk in the forest to recharge my batteries and soak up as much Chi from Mother Earth as I can. On that note, please support the Anti Fracking protesters at Balcombe, we are raping and killing our planet and it HAS to stop.