Down But Not Out

21 08 2013

I seem to have been dragging myself through the last couple of weeks of August  which is most unlike me. I think perhaps I may have a bit of  a flat battery!

But then, I suppose thats not surprising. Life has, as you all well know by now, changed shape considerably for both of us over the last nearly 2 years , but I realise that I have only ever really thought of Alistair in all of this as he is the one with the curve ball.

Somebody recently said to Alistair (quite stupidly if you ask me) that its worse for the family members than for the person with cancer. I don’t agree in the slightest, how can that be so, Alistair is the one facing his own mortality (much much later rather than sooner please). However, it has impacted my life enormously and continues to do so on a daily basis. Not in terms of dread for the future or anything like that, but in practical terms. Whatever extra needs to be done, I find a way to fit it in and do it and I do this for 2 or 3 reasons. Firstly I am by nature a very giving and pro-active person. Secondly, Alistair is my love and if I can make the tiniest bit of difference to his day I want to and thirdly he is the one who has cancer not me.

I think probably this third reason has lead me to having a flat battery. I want Alistair to heal not tire so am more likely to over stretch myself than have him tax himself in anyway. I bet this is common too for partners in my position, (if you have experience of this then please feel free to leave a comment I would love to hear).

So, I probably need to make sure I slow down a wee bit and schedule in sufficient time off for me too!

Im also quite unhappy about the hormone treatment that Alistair is on. I feel so upset that our dear old friends in the medical profession look only to treat a symptom without a thought for how that treatment knocks out the whole equilibrium of the entire system (I suppose thats a roundabout way of saying that it doesn’t look at the system holistically)!! Im worried about the impact of this testosterone inhibitor on his thyroid functioning and the delicate balance of other essential hormones. To be honest it frightens us both, and I think that they (the injections) absolutely are having a negative impact on his energy levels and his strength. Only this morning I heard him say one of the saddest things, that he finds riding his Harley a bit too much now, it really takes it out of him. My big strong man, left aching and tired by a couple of hours of riding on his prized motorbike.  And dear readers, this is not because of the cancer, this is because of its treatment. But, its OK because its bringing his PSA down!

So, everything comes at a price in the medical model and I suppose only the person concerned can decide what the price is that they are willing to pay. I don’t know, is a lower PSA worth the cost? Is the PSA measure the be all and end all? These are the types of questions that we are asking each other. Im wondering if we have both got a bit lost in putting too much store in the PSA, whereas i the beginning we didn’t define Alistairs’ progress or wellness in terms of blood results.

I  researched and found a guy in Surrey who seems to be somewhat of an expert on this. He rattled the GMC so much by his findings that he handed in his registration and practices completely alternatively now, so for my money he’s probably got some excellent information that may well be beneficial for us. Not in terms of new alternative approaches but in terms of being brutally honest about the likely consequences on Alistair’s endocrine system as a whole in response to having severely reduced testosterone. I will of course keep you posted when he reply’s.

So, where are we at.

Well as you now we are facing the operation in September, and our biggest concern about that is that any surgical intervention when you have active cancer can lead to a metastasis of the cancer. This we don’t want, no way! Not too sure what we can do about that but believe me when I say we will seek out every possible idea and leave no stone unturned in our quest to prevent it.

The green juicing is going from strength to strength, Alistair is drinking his way through 1.5 litres a day, every day, of fresh organic mostly green vegetable juice. He is back on the Budwig protocol and has also re-instated the use of coffee as an enema on a daily basis to help flush the toxins from his body and help his liver. It truly is almost a full-time job keeping all this up!

I am grateful to everyone who continues to support us in our journey and I am thankful for everything that we have learned along the way. And, now, I am off for a long walk in the forest to recharge my batteries and soak up as much Chi from Mother Earth as I can. On that note, please support the Anti Fracking protesters at Balcombe, we are raping and killing our planet and it HAS to stop.





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