A song to be sung

28 12 2015

So here I am writing my blog from a little tea room in beautiful Aldeburgh on the last day of the long Christmas holiday weekend

Emotions sort of snuck up on me, canny things that they are, on Christmas Eve, uninvited and out of the blue whilst I was out in a cafe in Saffy. Damn bloody feelings! No warning, just a miniature tsunami that welled up from somewhere in the depths of me just as my lip curlingly black coffee arrived at the table. I hate being caught unawares like that. And caught I was! I had literally popped out with only my money in my pocket, no sun glasses to hide behind, no tissues to fain a cold, no note book or book to lose myself in. Nothing whatsoever to deflect the hot sting of the sad fat tears as they spilled out accompanied by that sharp intake of breath, a sort of emotional prodromal warning that snot and tears are steaming forward. I summoned every ounce of self restraint and strength that I had and called forth an authoritative yet kindly inner voice that whispered “ Not here poppet, not now”. They taught me years ago when I was training as a therapist how to avert my tears as they didn’t agree with showing emotion in front of a client. I do show emotion in front of my clients and in the main they seem to appreciate it! However, in this instance, the tactics worked!

Weird I know, being as I write about such intimate details of my life for all and sundry to read, perfect strangers know more about me than people that should perhaps know more, but that said, I am actually fiercely private about who gets to see me emotionally raw. Its a small audience that consists of… ME!!!!

Tsunami averted, the strongest coffee on the planet swiftly swallowed and I was out of there and back to the refuge and privacy of ‘Mynzies’ where no more holding it together was called for and the wailing beast could be unleashed. Definitely a Waaambulance job!!

It did its job though, Christmas Day and Boxing Day were given the green light without Moaning Myrtle making an appearance. Lucky for all those that had my company. As ever, Candace and Kirt came up trumps and kept an understated but heartfelt ‘widow watch’ out for me. Gave me space but included me in all that I wanted.

To be honest, come the day after Boxing day, I was ready for time without anyone. I wasn’t sure what I needed or wanted, it turned out it was today, a trip to the seaside, to the beautiful Aldeburgh. Its always beckoned me and reminds me of spending time with my Mum in years gone by. The two of us used to escape for a couple of nights now and then, mooch about, have several too many drinks and laugh about all sorts of nonsense.

Today,the bracing wind blew the shadows away and the sea air worked her magic on my spirit, although sadly not on my poor old lady knee, 50 metres walking on the pebble beach rendered me all but crippled. A shocking state of affairs being as I had been hoping to join a Lindy Hop dance class in the New year and possibly attempt a 5k mud run in the spring! Obviously those plans will have to wait until I have a brand spanking new knee some time in the future. Then watch me mud run and Lindy Hop!!

So the route march was cancelled and instead I wrote this in the warmth and comfort of the Cragg Sisters Tea Rooms over a bowl of butter bean, lemon and thyme soup, see how wild I am these days!

Another thing that Aldeburgh had up its sleeve for me aside from the aforementioned tea room, was the gift of a Christmas Tree on the beach specifically and generously donated for the remembrance of those who have left ahead of us! Perfect, they even had pens on a ‘Pebble Homage’ table to use and leave at the tree. I just love synchronicity!

So thats me, refreshed, joy reinstated, moaning myrtle satiated and as ready as I will ever be for the new year. A year of newness I hope, new experiences, new adventures, new additions to my ‘ doing it’ list and as ever plenty of laughter.

It seems looking back over the run up to Christmas 2015, I have, with the help of my precious family and a couple of special friends, laughed and laughed, I have also sung so heartily that my little throat strands have needed coaxing to still natter the nonsense that I natter to myself or the poor soul Im probably boring to death with my nattering. I have set the bar high for next year!

So thank you thank you thank you to my stalwart family, especially Candace and Kirt who have held me so preciously in their hearts, always ready to catch me if I stumble but knowing me so well and watching me wonder. My beautiful sister Kate,  and Gillian and Uncie Paul. Thank you to my dear friend (don’t panic, I won’t name you) who has called me without fail every week since early Spring to see how I am and can equally talk shit forever and thank you to my friend who is possibly the busiest person on the planet yet finds time for me even when there is no time to be found.

I am almost, almost, through the calendar year and to be honest I will be really glad when I am. During this year I have built the foundations of a life for myself and now I am excited to live the rest of the journey still with a heart full of love and a spirit full of joy

Namaste friends and a Happy New year 🙂

 

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