The Love You Bring and The Love You Leave

19 05 2014

This is a beautiful quote from an amazing client of mine, who, under different circumstances would probably be a really good friend. She put it so simply when, moved by Alistair’s story, she said

” Its made me realise that the only thing important in life is the love that you bring and the love that you leave”. So beautifully simple  isn’t it, and yet, don’t we all complicate life so much; to achieve more, to earn more, to get more, to be liked more, and on and on and we lose sight of this simple truth, that all that is important is the love we bring and the love we leave behind. Thank you for teaching  me this lovely lady.

This is so poignant now in our life.

To be honest, we don’t now what the future holds in terms of longevity for Alistair. From the medical model we know its not much and not too long. Not a particularly cosy thought for either of us. Remember though that from a holistic point of view and a healing point of view anything can be healed, and healing has so much more to it than a physical aspect. Both Alistair and I are experiencing healing on many levels each and every day and our strength is growing, in spite of a physical weakening presently for Alistair.

That lack of energy sadly stole our long awaited family holiday to Turkey this year. I was really sad and really pissed off, not with Alistair but with yet another loss that the curve ball had bowled me. For more than a year now we have lost completely the highly cherished physically intimate part of our relationship. This is of course due to the chemical castration caused by the Hormone treatment- never underestimate all that your hormones do people- and again think before you glibly say to someone oh just take the medication- all medication has a powerful effect on your finely balanced and finely tuned system.

More recently due to Alistair’s lack of mobility I have lost for a while my companion, you know, popping to the town for a wander, going to the pictures, just mooching about for a few hours looking at trinkets and treasures in some second hand oldy worldy barn.

And then theres my dog walking buddy, our precious times talking about all our weird and wonderful and completely bonkers ideas and also his hopes and fears around his fight to save his life.

And my chef too, when we cooked together I was usually relegated to commis chef and porter while Alistair added his and that to his cooking pot that would ultimately end up with the best tasting curry, ever.

And a family holiday, Kirt, Gillian, Paul (sister and brother in law) George and Abby (nephew and niece) had all been looking forward to some quality time together. Poor Kirt is now holidaying all alone in Turkey as I type!

Sounds trivial I know in the grand scheme of things, but you know these times have created the rich pattern of our relationship, the pattern embossed on the paper so to speak.  Candace once said to someone, ” Oh no Mum and Alistair never get sick of each other they  live and breath each others company 24 hours a day”… so true. And unless you are in this situation they are not things you consider losing, I never did.

So I was pissed off and also really in need of a break ( or so I thought). So, either bravely or stupidly I took  12 days away on my own and flew to Turkey for a somewhat shortened holiday. I suppose I needed to do this for several reasons. I genuinely needed to recharge my batteries. Theres been a huge amount going on for quite a while. My poor mum and dad still in separate homes and my dad with a terminal diagnosis of metastatic prostate cancer, so visits twice weekly visits to fit in. Keeping our therapy practice running, working through my college course, exams and deadlines, packing up and moving home and looking after my best friend and soul mate.  I must stress here that I wouldn’t have it any other way, I am Alistair’s wife, his friend, and he can trust and rely on my devoted attention 24 hours a day come what may, it is not and he is not a burden or a nuisance and I know that all that I do is offered with an open heart and a willingness to serve him. And, I was weary and needed a break!

And my daughter knows me so well. Mums not going because she’s tired, she told a friend of hers, she’s going to make sure she can manage on her own should she ever have to! Such an incredibly wise young woman, whose love and support has helped me through every step of this journey. Oh and I think its the first time Ive mentioned here, but sorry if I’m repeating myself, she and Roy have their first baby due in 6 weeks – that is very exciting  news, another little life blessing us with its goodness joy and love.

So Turkey, alone, with just me and my thoughts! Not bad, Im quite fine in my own company, I like myself well enough not to get on my own nerves!

I spent some time with my lovely Turkish friends Kenan and Yeliz and also Cevkiye the owner of the beautiful little boutique hotel Dalyando, she s so lovely, and please check out Hotel Dalyando in Dalyan, its well worth a visit. I ate well, slept well, got a little sun (weather was a wee bit iffy) and I learnt a lot.

I learnt that no matter how tired I feel, how weary I am, how much I think I need a break… I need to be right next to Alistair much more than I  need a rest. So, 12 days shrank to 7 days and I got myself home to my special space right next to Alistair. And isn’t that what my lovely client taught me ” all thats important is the love that we bring”

And love, has also brought us to the point of being able to go to Germany next sunday 25th May for Alistair to begin 3 weeks of treatment to slow the progress of the cancer that has started to take him over.

The clinic offers us hope and we are thankful for ever single donation we have received, every singly prayer that has been whispered, every incantation and the belief of the masses in Alistairs ability to heal and be healed that have culminated in us being able to go for the first part of t he treatment and enough money raised for at least 1 follow up out of 4.

With our hearts open, we count our blessings every minute of the day, and thank everybody for their blessings to us x







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