Down But Not Out

21 08 2013

I seem to have been dragging myself through the last couple of weeks of August  which is most unlike me. I think perhaps I may have a bit of  a flat battery!

But then, I suppose thats not surprising. Life has, as you all well know by now, changed shape considerably for both of us over the last nearly 2 years , but I realise that I have only ever really thought of Alistair in all of this as he is the one with the curve ball.

Somebody recently said to Alistair (quite stupidly if you ask me) that its worse for the family members than for the person with cancer. I don’t agree in the slightest, how can that be so, Alistair is the one facing his own mortality (much much later rather than sooner please). However, it has impacted my life enormously and continues to do so on a daily basis. Not in terms of dread for the future or anything like that, but in practical terms. Whatever extra needs to be done, I find a way to fit it in and do it and I do this for 2 or 3 reasons. Firstly I am by nature a very giving and pro-active person. Secondly, Alistair is my love and if I can make the tiniest bit of difference to his day I want to and thirdly he is the one who has cancer not me.

I think probably this third reason has lead me to having a flat battery. I want Alistair to heal not tire so am more likely to over stretch myself than have him tax himself in anyway. I bet this is common too for partners in my position, (if you have experience of this then please feel free to leave a comment I would love to hear).

So, I probably need to make sure I slow down a wee bit and schedule in sufficient time off for me too!

Im also quite unhappy about the hormone treatment that Alistair is on. I feel so upset that our dear old friends in the medical profession look only to treat a symptom without a thought for how that treatment knocks out the whole equilibrium of the entire system (I suppose thats a roundabout way of saying that it doesn’t look at the system holistically)!! Im worried about the impact of this testosterone inhibitor on his thyroid functioning and the delicate balance of other essential hormones. To be honest it frightens us both, and I think that they (the injections) absolutely are having a negative impact on his energy levels and his strength. Only this morning I heard him say one of the saddest things, that he finds riding his Harley a bit too much now, it really takes it out of him. My big strong man, left aching and tired by a couple of hours of riding on his prized motorbike.  And dear readers, this is not because of the cancer, this is because of its treatment. But, its OK because its bringing his PSA down!

So, everything comes at a price in the medical model and I suppose only the person concerned can decide what the price is that they are willing to pay. I don’t know, is a lower PSA worth the cost? Is the PSA measure the be all and end all? These are the types of questions that we are asking each other. Im wondering if we have both got a bit lost in putting too much store in the PSA, whereas i the beginning we didn’t define Alistairs’ progress or wellness in terms of blood results.

I  researched and found a guy in Surrey who seems to be somewhat of an expert on this. He rattled the GMC so much by his findings that he handed in his registration and practices completely alternatively now, so for my money he’s probably got some excellent information that may well be beneficial for us. Not in terms of new alternative approaches but in terms of being brutally honest about the likely consequences on Alistair’s endocrine system as a whole in response to having severely reduced testosterone. I will of course keep you posted when he reply’s.

So, where are we at.

Well as you now we are facing the operation in September, and our biggest concern about that is that any surgical intervention when you have active cancer can lead to a metastasis of the cancer. This we don’t want, no way! Not too sure what we can do about that but believe me when I say we will seek out every possible idea and leave no stone unturned in our quest to prevent it.

The green juicing is going from strength to strength, Alistair is drinking his way through 1.5 litres a day, every day, of fresh organic mostly green vegetable juice. He is back on the Budwig protocol and has also re-instated the use of coffee as an enema on a daily basis to help flush the toxins from his body and help his liver. It truly is almost a full-time job keeping all this up!

I am grateful to everyone who continues to support us in our journey and I am thankful for everything that we have learned along the way. And, now, I am off for a long walk in the forest to recharge my batteries and soak up as much Chi from Mother Earth as I can. On that note, please support the Anti Fracking protesters at Balcombe, we are raping and killing our planet and it HAS to stop.



To Pee or not to Pee

6 08 2013


That probably sums up how Alistair feels today!

We had another long day at the Royal London under the expert care of our lovely registrar (truth not sarcasm).  The catheter was expertly whipped out at 9am and then we waited. We waited in style though and Alistair drove Miss Daisy round to the hip and trendy Broadway Market where we had breakfast and then mooched around the over priced but quite scrummy whole food shops!

So, time trickled on but alas, that was the only thing that trickled and even though all three of us had our fingers doubly crossed, Alistair’s pee tube seemed adamant that nothing should pass through it unless catheterised! The Big Boss was called for and the decision was made to go ahead with a Trans Urethral Resectioning of  Alistair’s over enlarged Prostate gland. This was not the news we wanted and to say that Alistair is disappointed is an understatement. We had our hopes pinned on todays outcome being positive and avoiding the metaphorical glint of the surgeons knife.

Still, as has been the case all the way along this sometimes fractious pathway living with cancer, Alistair will come to terms with what needs to be done and of course I will ensure that he is in excellent health going into the procedure so that his recovery will be swift and with as little damage  to the whole as possible.

Truthfully, what we are upset about is the whole healthcare model that is on offer in the UK, its so narrow. If we lived in Germany we would be asked ” do you want  chemotherapy or ozone therapy to treat  your cancer”! If we lived in Hungary we would be asked ” what herbs would you like to be treated with”! If we lived in Spain we would be able to legally buy cannabis oil to treat Alistair’s cancer! In this country we are given the choice of surgery, radiation or chemotherapy!  And that reminds me, I am still waiting from a response from Dave Cameron about why it is that we cannot legally use cannabis oil to treat illness in this country and yet if I was from any other European country I could legally bring it into the UK for personal medical use, hows that fair?

Alistair quite rightly says that if we were rich we could just go and buy all of these things, or live somewhere for as long as we needed the cannabis oil for. My ex husband would have said “thats the law of the jungle”.

I say its not good enough, you shouldn’t only be able to get these things if you have money. I reminded Alistair that we are able to afford more than many others (true, we had to do that small thing- sell our house- in order to do so but… ), but its simply not right that these choices are not open to us from our health care system.

The trouble is when the NHS gets its hands on things it can’t help but medicalise it and fuck it up, The London Homeopathic Hospital is a prime example. Now known as the London Hospital for Integrative Medicine and under the control of the Utterly Crap London Hospital there is very little that this hospital has in common with a truly homeopathic approach. The remedies seem to be more off the peg than tailored to individual needs and consultation times are condensed into NHS time slots rather than the appropriate duration that homeopaths are trained to offer.

Rather than whinging though, I think its time to get involved in trying to bring about change. Alistair and I do all we can to educate people about the difference the right foods choices can make to our health, so its time for us to widen that and probably join some pressure groups. Fear not, I will keep you posted on our endeavours, unless  of course, you see me on the telly being kettled by the police at a protest rally and if  that happens please Candace and Hannah  would you look after your dad until Im released on bail! (Im no stranger to bail but thats a story for another blog)!

So, we have about 7 weeks or so to wait for the Op and we will keep hopeful that this will be the thing that at long last allows Alistair to pee, in the meantime we will stay well, positive and focused on creating change.

I am thrilled though that family members and friends are making positive changes to reclaim their health and to prevent ill health by introducing   better nutrition and  going organic, great news and it brings to mind one of my favourite quotes: ” for things to change, first must I”

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