Blessings, Love and Loss

10 09 2016

So, here I am in the gorgeousness of Dalyan Turkey, writing my blog under the stars, with the Kings Tombs lit up hauntingly yet comfortingly in front of me, the music from the bars inviting me out behind me and the roof terrace of my adored and most favoured place the Hotel Dalyando nurturing my soul and soothing my spirit. Arrive here as a stranger and leave as part of the family with a clutch of new friends to boot. What a life, AND what at a summer!!!

Its been jam packed full with adventure, music, sun, sea, sand dunes, beautiful beaches, naked sunbathing, mountains,  travel, road trips friends, family, new friends, clubs, parties, raves, festivals, carnivals, boats, tents, drum circles, bicycles, castles, stones, accidents, A&E, joy, love and loss.  A summer that has richly contributed to my soul memory bank for sure. Thank you everyone for your love, energy, laughter, time and the joy you have brought me this summer. Thank you my solstice Angel for adding to my joy and bringing your beauty. Lets see what wonders and adventures the autumn brings us!

Sadly for me last week My beautiful and adored mum made her final check out from the old alzheimer riddled folks home where she had been put somewhat unkindly almost 3 years ago. She cleverly went quickly and seemingly without much fuss, typical mum, just got on with it in her own way. Blimey though, it rocked me. It felt like my root had been ripped from me, my anchor, my core. As you know Im totally OK with the death thing, we are Energy, Energy cannot be eradicated so we all live on. Mum was frail and ravaged by the chronic disease of alzheimers (coconut oil by the way is having some amazing results in not only slowing its progression but also reinstating brain function) and to be frank although the home was kindly and clean my mum was an outdoors non telly watching chick. Being stuck indoors with the TV on all day, playing bingo and being spoon fed custard would not have been her first choice of living conditions had she been afforded that choice in the first place. No, Im glad she has transitioned to the next plane and is amongst those she cherished and lost long ago and more recently my lovely dad, lets hope his enlightened state prevents him from criticising her in any way!! So I was unprepared for the level of pain and sadness I felt. Lucky I had already booked a sneaky week to Turkey, its restorative power has very quickly worked its magic on me like a charm 🙂

Those that know me know that I like a jewel or two, all of my jewellery has a story attached to it, either to its procurement, a memory cast in silver of where I’ve been or a memory from a cherished loved one. A few people along the way have added their contributions to the wrist of bangled fame. Since April of this year though I have ‘not lost’ but no longer have the 3 rings that Alistair bought me over the years we were together. I say not lost because i know exactly where they are, I just can’t get them. The second ring he ever bought for me from one of our first trips to the Brighton Lanes together rests deep in the floor in St Peters Church in Vauxhall, a place very dear to my heart, not because of its holiness but because my love of dance and the untethering of inhibition began there. As you know from previous posts, Tantric dance was one of the cornerstones of my foundation of change. The ring rolled clean off my cold finger and straight down the metal grid and under the floor. So its not lost I just can’t get it but I know where it is.

The third ring Alistair bought me was from the Isle of Mull, we had a few days there in an old “Falty Towers” type hotel on our way up to stay with our dear and cherished Tweddle family on the Black Isle for Easter many years ago. It now rests at Stonehenge, lodged somewhere amongst the great stones where I solsticed and met my solstice Angel. Kinda nice I feel , the significance of that. Its not lost, I just can’t get it but i know where it is.

The first ring that Alistair  ever bought me, he had made on our first ever trip abroad together in Sri Lanka. We had one each made after he had a dream in which a man said to him… go to the ring maker!!! Peridot and silver. Mine tiny (my beautiful friend Kenan of Unique Art in Dalyan who is as we speak resizing a couple of rings for me says.. thats not a ring size, that size is so tiny it doesnt even exist) and Alistairs huge.  Today as I swam in the sea in Dalyan it came right off my finger and plopped to the bottom of the sea. Its not lost i just can’t get it but i know where it is.

I like the places where these rings are resting. Im OK with it. Wherever I go in life, these places will always be there and so too will my rings and the history that is woven into them.

So as I sit in the most wonderful surroundings in the warmth of the Turkish sun recharging my batteries and pondering my journey thus far since February 2015 when i lost Alistair from my life (he’s not lost, i know where he is i just can’t get to him) I give thanks for my adventures, for the opportunities that our amazing Universe has presented me with, for my courage to meet, greet and involve myself fully in those adventures and for the gradual dawning of my wild free spirit. I know that as a consequence of my change and growth other people close to me also have to embrace change. Thank you loved ones for your willingness to embrace me as I evolve. Change is not always easy but:

Change my friends is inevitable, embrace it, go with it, don’t over think it:-

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.”

Namaste xxx





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