Tiny Dancer

20 02 2016

Since my trip to India life has woven a pretty spectacularly rich tapestry for me, or perhaps I should say I have gathered the threads of life and woven myself a pretty colourful and richly blessed tapestry.

Here I am in Marrakech with the adorable Kirt and my gorgeous nephew Flynn, to celebrate our lives and the returning of Alistair’s Soul back home, a full calendar year ago. Kirt and I have named the day “Happy Return to Soul Day”… It sounds much better than our first attempt ” Happy Death Day”!!  which made perfect sense, we celebrate Birth days after all. But no, Happy return to Soul Day is softer on the ears and a  touch gentler on the heart too!

Marrakech is perfectly crazy and I literally have not stopped laughing since the three of us got together Thursday evening. It would seem my adorable travelling companions are used to a slower pace of life than their crazy Mumma- Aunt!! Never thought I would have written that a year ago! Although a year ago I truly believed  I would be an insular nun like creature that talked mainly to her plants and lived some half life not really needing anything or anyone other than the memories held in my heart of my life up to that point with Big Bear (Alistair). As I said in my last post, clearly The Universe has totally different plans for me! And it turns out Im loving those plans!!

But about today, thank you to my friends who messaged and called ahead of time to send love and check how I’m doing, and thank you thank you thank you ‘Chapel Girl’ for the most thoughtful present left on my doorstep in readiness for this weekend. What a beautiful serendipitous crossing of our paths!

Its been funny, and I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, receiving a couple of truly heartfelt but condolency type wishes this week (“We hope you can find a moments happiness or some peace this sad and difficult week”). I fully understand the intention of kindness behind these wishes but the sadness and grief being conveyed just doesn’t resonate with me, its like Im trying to understand a different language. Truthfully, since Alistair journeyed back home, I have known a deep sense of peace and even during some difficult, deeply feeling and emotional days I knew happiness was still there inside me. But, I guess people can only imagine how they would be feeling and project that onto how I must be feeling in order to try to understand it? And of course, naturally, many people in my situation absolutely do feel like that.

Surely though you’ve all got a good measure of me by now, not one to tread a conventional path, not in grief, not in love, not in spiritual beliefs and not in life! And life now is absolutely calling me… loudly.

As you know, the the Tantric Trance dance woke my soul, and Ive stayed awake, totally switched on since that night in Vauxhall (“one night in Vauxhall one night in Vauxhall”!) and theres a part of me refusing to not dance, anywhere! And thats really strange you know. I haven’t danced freely or inconspicuously  (not sure if thats a real word) since being lost in my own little world of dance moves at a school disco many many years ago, probably also wearing my odd little mix of clothes, and of course a bunch of girls laughed at me. Unknowingly they stole my freedom and my spirit and I have never danced openly since. Until now..Its seems that dancing blind fold connected me to a natural rhythm so deep in my bones that my soul stirred and connected me with something HUGE.

I had an amazing time at the festival and the yurt was FAB, friendships were forged that I know will be long standing and my pledge to myself to wear my metaphorical blindfold and bystand no longer reaped much joy and pleasure. So much so I wonder why I stayed a crab apple for so long!! Its like a new doorway to life and a new way of being has opened up to me. And then, of course, a little Universal synchronicity got involved and I sat and listened to a truly inspirational guy, ‘Chris Paradox’, look him up. He spoke about seeing through eyes of divine happiness and living in a way that honours joy and doesn’t turn that joy down in order to fit in with social norms. Makes sense right. How often do you sing and dance out loud in the privacy of your own home and then shut right up and walk properly down the street in your own little silo? So he keeps his joy turned right up, full volume, on the tube, on the bus and sings, out loud whilst always looking for the beauty rather than the judgmental slight in what he sees. Love it

So, that little part of me that refuses to not dance, thats the joy in my life that I will not turn down. And I have danced, out loud, on the train, on the platform, and its done a few things. Firstly, Ive stayed full of beans and very smiley, and actually really fun to be around. Secondly, people around me have started to smile although there has also  been some staring (hasn’t killed me) and thirdly, there have been some buttoned up city types (sorry for the pigeon hole city workers) that have actually loosened up, visibly. Viewing life in this way has also shown me how many folk walk about totally turned down, rushed, and quite frankly looking thoroughly miserable.

And that got me wondering about peoples lives (Im so nosey).Remember the Shaman I quote fairly often in my blog posts? He said, if you don’t know why you have something in your life, be that a possession, a job, a relationship, an object, go away and either rediscover your passion and its meaning or let it go. I wonder how many folk just get lost in the daily struggle, the bump, the grind, doing what they think and feel is expected of them, but somewhat joylessly and not connected to what  got them into it in the first place? If thats you, its time to rediscover, renew, reconnect or perhaps let something go.

This Shamanic approach has become deeply entwined in my philosophy as I wonder along life’s pathway, with a very different perspective than I have had previously. A while ago, I met up with a guy (metaphorical nuns habit only slightly loosened), we arranged to meet and then he didn’t show up! I was slightly disorientated and to be honest my equilibrium was totally upset for a few days. I didn’t like it. Then a while later, my trusty advisor, completely unaware of this situation having happened, mentioned to me that I would need to expose myself to rejection, spot bloody on, where did that accuracy come from my friend?!!! Of course I have to get used to rejection (although come on, some manners would be nice, if you can’t make something or don’t want to make something, be honest)! But I also want to keep my equilibrium, its precious to me and keeps me in good health and good spirits. My steadiness actually is the most important thing that I have, and I have a tight grasp on that as a parent who holds the hand of a cherished child. So, only people, things and opportunities that add to my equilibrium and steadiness are welcomed into my life and anything that unbalances and upsets my equilibrium is let go, and quickly.

To all the beautiful souls who are wondering along my path with me and know that you  are contributing to the richness and steadiness of my lifes rich tapestry and I honour and thank you deeply for that x


Namaste friends xx





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