Warning, When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

10 02 2016

Sure sign I have an exam coming up… Liver Detoxification pathways or write my blog, looks like I have a date with liver detox at 5am tomorrow before work!

It seems like the winds of change are blowing! And as weird as it may seem I realise that I  initially struggle somewhat with change. I like the predictable, the safe, the steady, the thing I struggled with when we lived in Gladys was not knowing where and how long we would be somewhere for. As it turned out we didn’t have to move about too much which suited me fine. That felt much safer.

So its funny to find myself writing that I don’t like change when so much has changed in such a relatively short space of time. But not liking change is not the same as not embracing it or adapting to it. One of my most used quotes ever at work must be “Change is Inevitable” my poor clients have to hear me banging on about it ad infinitum, but, true to my training many many years ago, I never expect my clients to do anything that I am not prepared to do.

Brace yourself friends and followers… I’ve been on a bit of a journey of change in the last week  and I can tell you I loved it so much that much more is coming from where that came from!

Where to start and how to explain I don’t really know and whether you get it or not, well thats up to you.

Some time back I booked to go to a festival over Valentines weekend. I thought losing myself in a few hundred people that I didn’t know would be much better than being the odd number in a small group, the elephant in the room so to speak. Being a festival virgin I booked myself a yurt to stay in so if all else failed and I hated it I could resume my fail safe position of not being involved or in other words by standing (grandma crabapple) and hide away in the yurt until it was all over.

Obviously the Universe had vastly different plans for me and is sabotaging any attempts I may make to remain both uninvolved and a crabapple! Turns out the yurt is communal! Lucky I found out in plenty of time, not to cancel remember Im  not a quitter, but to prepare myself. Obviously I didn’t take the news well initially. A call to Pippin verging on the hysterical (she was very good and didn’t laugh until safe to do so) followed by a less hysterical but ‘what the fuck am i going to do’ call to my measured advisor who promptly laughed immediately!! The thought of it was so far out of my comfort zone it messed with my sleep for a couple of nights.

In truth I actually don’t know how the next bit happened but if there was any logic involved it went a bit like this. If Im going to be uncomfortable sharing a yurt with 30 strangers then do something before that weekend thats even more out of your comfort zone and then the yurt will be a piece of piss! Makes sense right?

Somehow or the other I stumbled on (or the Universe found for me) a Conscious (no drugs no alcohol) Shamanic Tantric Trance Dance in London that offered to ‘Wake me up, turn me on and tune me in”. Oh, and just one other thing to add here, you wear a blind fold. Remember I blogged some time ago about finding a Tantric Massage and the video of the mans ugly bits bobbling about had me running a mile from looking any further into it. Not this time, no ugly bits bobbling about in the video but some pretty free spirited wild dancing going on. Just the thing to get me over my fear of sharing a yurt!

So festival virgin becomes tantric virgin! I signed up there and then, drove to the venue on Saturday, donned my blindfold with the other beautiful folk and had the absolute best time of my life. Nothing sordid, no nakedness, but freedom like I have never ever known or experienced ever. The point of the blindfold is that you are making a commitment to yourself to feel and go through any discomfort or fear and come out the other side to a stronger freer place. There’s a rule of no talking at all on the dance floor and no by standing both of which are deemed fear based actions (makes sense, theres lots of talking shit that goes on because people feel uncomfortable or vulnerable and so run off at the mouth and I know that I by stand or don’t get involved to protect my vulnerability).

The music woke my soul, the dancing freed my spirit and the whole evening turned me upside down inside out and backs to front in the most glorious mad and unexplainable way. The people filled my heart with joy and the room spun with pure bliss. I let go of so much in a few hours, conformity, convention, judgement and fear. All for £20!!!

The music is still ringing in my soul, my spirit is soaring free as a bird and any tie I had to conformity is melting away. I have not by-stood since saturday (crab apple gland well and truly disengaged), and I am absolutely champing at the bit to get to the festival.

In my morning meditations I always ask that what I am doing is for the highest good of me and for the highest good of the one in all. Last Saturday I surrendered to something and became part of a something, a community, part of the One in All.

What blessings my courage lead me to on Saturday night. I will never let go now of my blindfold, you will not see me wearing it but it will always be there,unseen, my commitment to myself to feel the fear, journey through it and emerge stronger, freer and changed a little bit more.

In search of more purple…. Namaste friends x




One response

12 02 2016

Hi Rebekah,

What a lovely blog. I hope you don’t mind but I was laughing so much with you not at you. You do make me laugh lots. You’re absolutely mad in a great way.
I think you are SO SO brave to be putting yourself ‘out there’ so to speak to meeting new people and experiences. I can feel your positive energy jumping out through this blog and that’s truly fantastic.
You are quite often in my thoughts and I wonder how life is treating you. It’s absolutely lovely to hear you are happy and found ‘freedom’ in your dancing. It’s sounds absolutely wonderful and so liberating o should imagine.
I literally cannot wait to hear about your festival experience as I to have never been but quite fancy it.
I know I speak for all your other readers when I say it’s lovely to hear you are happy, and as usual we find you a very inspiring woman.
Hope you have a great weekend.
Take care lots of love
Natalie x

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