50!!!!! Birthday Blog

26 10 2015

Today I am 50 ūüôā

As this¬†year has unfolded and I wander though the ‘wilderness of widowhood’, a territory that like many life transitions remains¬†completely¬†unnavigated¬†until¬†you find¬†yourself in it, this day, Monday 26th October, my 50th birthday, has been poking its head up on the horizon for quite some time. Not because I love to party, go out, get shit faced or herald such landmarks with noise and bluster that includes all and sundry. NO NO NO‚Ķmuch like my own mum, Im a bit of a crab apple when it comes to such things (thank¬†you Candace for my new nickname Grandma Crab Apple, I rather like it). No, its been popping into my mind because I wondered how it would be, without my man.

Im sure in a previous blog post I have rambled on about ‘A calendar¬†year’, a¬†year of firsts in the world of grief. And this seemed like it might be quite a big one.

In truth though, its not, its no more or no less than any other day. My mind could totally have made it more, without doubt, my mind like anyone else’s has the capability to awfulise, create pessimistic scenarios, draw a tapestry of doom and gloom and engage in an inner dialogue that fuels itself on ‘its not fairs’ and ‘I can’t stand its’. Whats also true, and this is no disrespect to my darling man, is that Alistair was not that good at remembering my birthday!!! Its true, he made me feel special every day and was always appreciative of me and all of the things I have written about over the¬†years. But, his forte was not birthday celebrations!

What has helped massively whilst wondering through the wilderness¬†though¬†is to plan ahead! Not my¬†greatest forte, Im not blessed with the greatest organisational skills but I am open to learn! So I have planned several lovely events with equally lovely people, and some equally lovely people have made amazing plans for me to celebrate over the next couple of weeks. Thank¬†you. This planning has extended to Alistair’s birthday and the first anniversary of his passing from this world to the next. Didn’t¬†¬†Abraham Lincoln say as much?- ‘In failing to plan¬†you are planning to fail’ thanks Abe, really helpful as the last thing I want to be is a failure‚Ķ in anything!!!

As ever, I count my blessings for all that I have and I honour all that I have had and all that is¬†yet to come. Im looking forward to the unfolding of this next¬†year and all that it brings. My heart is smiling loudly today ūüôā

Today seems a good time to thank everyone, my family and friends old and new who have shown me unwavering support, love and kindness since February. My life is richer for the love you have all brought and of course I acknowledge and offer my gratitude too to the unconditional love and light of The Universe.

Namaste x

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